Let’s set the scene shall we: after hours of pain and lots of turmoil a baby makes his or her way into the world and there is an instant moment of magic. Tears of joy are shed, an inconceivable love is ignited, and mom and dad are changed forever…. cue music please! Over and over movies, books, and shows depict a story where suddenly a person is transformed by the birth of his or her child. A selfish person becomes selfless, a lost person finds hope, or a weak person gains insurmountable confidence. The baby comes and suddenly there is magical change for the better in everyone’s life.
So, after the first part, hours of pain and lots of turmoil, I expected my moment. I expected to look into the eyes of my son, be filled with awe and wonder, and be changed forever. I’d never be selfish again, would somehow turn into a super stellar home maker, and would be singing praises with the birds under pale blue skies. Instead, all I remember about those initial moments was pure exhaustion.
As the weeks went by, reality set in. I was still just as selfish, my homemaker skills took a turn for the worst, and there definitely was no singing (minus “The Itsy Bitsy Spider”). Becoming a mom didn’t fix me. It didn’t set me on some pedi stool free from every day reality and struggle. It just, well, …made me a mom.
Much to my surprise, I didn’t instantly become a super granola rockstar woman with an overwhelming desire to spend my days at home cooking, cleaning, essential oiling, and making all my own baby food. I do some of those things sometimes, but I fail or fall short way more than I meet my own expectations. The truth is, most days I give that time to things like my ministry, my business, or heaven forbid, myself (yep, I admitted it)!!
I’ve realized that those were the expectations I had. They were never necessarily God’s expectations of me. I may not be the mom I thought I’d be, but I’m definitely the mom He made- a formula feeding, never mopping, short cut taking kind of mom who seriously loves her son more than anything!